How to Deal with Powerful Negative Emotions

Introduction

Ladies and gentlemen, hello and welcome to this article on dealing with powerful negative emotions. These feelings can massively impact the quality of our lives — halting growth, damaging relationships and even making us physically sick. If you're experiencing C-PTSD flashbacks, are emotionally dysregulated or have just come out of a toxic relationship — this article is for you. By the time you finish reading, you’ll have a better understanding of yourself and what you are feeling.

The Boat and the Ocean

Watching the sunset on a boat

Think about yourself as a boat, and your emotions as the ocean. When it is calm, the ocean is flat, the sky is clear, and everything feels good — you are just floating. But then, out of nowhere, the clouds roll in. Winds pick up fast, coming from every direction. Waves start rising — big, heavy ones — and suddenly you are not cruising anymore, you are just trying to stay above water.

Those waves? That’s the anger, the sadness, the fear. It’s loud, it’s chaotic, and you cannot see the horizon. You do not know where the next hit is coming from. You are bailing water with your hands, hoping something holds. There is no time to steer, no time to think — just trying not to sink. The sea does not care if you are tired. It does not wait for you to be ready. It just keeps moving and all you can do is hold on.

I have found the same to be true with emotions, especially if you are emotionally dysregulated or experiencing an emotional flashback. The emotional pain becomes physical — you feel it in your chest, shoulders, neck, stomach, or all over your upper body.

What Do People Use to Calm the Ocean?

The coping mechanism of choice can vary:

• NUMBING — using drugs and alcohol, overplaying video games, binge-watching TV, overeating.

• SHUTTING DOWN — holding it all in, only going out if you really have to.

• EXPLODING — lashing out at people to release pressure, projecting your pain.

• PERFECTIONISM — trying to control everything externally, overworking to feel safe.

  
  

Now, if you find yourself doing any or all of the above and you are reading or watching content on this topic, there is a big chance you already understand that these are maladaptive coping mechanisms. They can lead to substance addiction, obesity, regret, burnout and stress — and they only make things worse over time.

These are distractions from the real issue — dealing with your negative emotions. If you are here reading this, it is probably because you know it is time to change. It is time to become the adult in the room — for yourself — and understand why you feel this way, and what you can do to properly manage and dissolve it.

The Exercise

This is something I learned early in my healing journey during a therapy session. I found it safe to do on my own, and like with emotional intelligence work, I created a simplified version that worked great for me. There’s no right or wrong way to do this, but I recommend doing it in the following order:

1. Give It a Name

What are you feeling? Is it anger? Suffering? Shame? Guilt? Is it just one feeling or a cluster? Use any words that feel true — don’t overthink it. Struggling with this? read my article on emotional intelligence here : https://www.toxicdynamics.com/post/mastering-emotional-awareness-a-simple-yet-powerful-exercise

2. Localize It in Your Body

Notice where it shows up. Tightness in your shoulders? A heaviness in your chest or neck?

3. Give It a Form

Now that you’ve named it and located it in your body, try to give it a shape. Is it a triangle? A ball? Is it moving or still?

If you follow these steps, the emotion should start to feel less intense. Your left brain is now engaged — observing, analyzing — while your right brain still allows you to feel. This balance helps you experience the emotion without being consumed by it.

4. Ask Yourself: When Did I First Feel This?

Sometimes, the root memory will come to mind right away. Other times, you’ll need to repeat the process for the memory to "unlock".

This part of the process may make you cry — and that’s exactly where healing begins.

In his book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, Pete Walker writes: “Emoting is when we cry, anger out, or verbally ventilate the energy of an inner emotional experience... In recovery then, feeling is surrendering to our internal experiences of pain without judging or resisting them, and without emoting them out.”

Crying, shouting, “angering out,” or even talking to yourself alone in the car helps release and dissolve the emotion. Do it until you feel the shift — that sense of relief, of something lifting. You will suddenly feel lighter and better about yourself.

5. Visualization

I learned this technique through EMDR. I used to feel intense anxiety when I had to do something in public — speak, play football, even simple social situations. After practicing this exercise a few times, I realized that the anxiety had a core: toxic shame — shame projected onto me in childhood by people who criticized me constantly, exploded in rage at my mistakes, or made me feel like I could never get it right.

This visualization, combined with the four steps above, helped me dissolve that shame — sometimes after just three or four tries.

First, imagine a place where you feel completely happy and safe. It can be fictional or a real memory. Describe every detail — Was the sky blue? Was the weather warm? Was the grass soft? What were you doing there?

Then, imagine a golden ray of light coming down from above, filling the shape you gave to your painful emotion, and then spreading throughout your entire body. Let it represent divine energy, healing you — filling you with confidence, peace, joy, and health. Let yourself feel safe and good in the present moment.

Final Thoughts

That’s everything for this article. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for taking the time to read this. I truly hope it helps you in your healing journey, just as it helped me in mine.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me at contact@toxicdynamics.com.Until next time — I wish you all the best.